A Mother’s Musing : Wedding bell blues — my kids aren’t allowed to get married
Posted on Wednesday, October 1, 2008
After going a couple of years without any, a sudden flurry of wedding invitations found their way into our mailbox recently. It's funny how things like that go in cycles isn't it ?
We're at the age now that many of the invitations are to the weddings of our friend's daughters or our daughter's friends, but there are still some of our own friends getting married. For some reason it came as a surprise to me when I found myself thinking about my own daughters'future weddings.
I like to pretend that my kids are still young, but when the oldest one graduated from college last year I was forced to think of the next step for her. One of these days she's going to get married and that will make me the mother of the bride. Her little sister will be only a few years behind. I'm pretty sure I'm not ready.
I know some mothers start planning their daughter's wedding when the bride is young enough to wear a wedding dress as a Halloween costume. Neither of my daughters ever wore a wedding dress for Halloween. I was way too busy making them pirates, gypsies and vampires.
The truth is, I wasn't all that interested in planning my own wedding all those years ago. We chose a casual wedding because that was all the planning I was capable of. Even then my future mother-in-law had to help me plan the backyard reception. It turned out to be a good party.
I've been to a lot of weddings since then. I remember when my cousin got married in bare feet with flowers in her hair. I know she would have done it on the beach if she lived anywhere near one. My sisterin-law's first wedding was a fancy church affair where I was sent to sit in the very back in case the baby fussed.
We dressed all three kids up in the very best when the girl who used to baby-sit for them got married in a Lutheran Church up north. Her father was a retired pastor, so there were two officiants at the ceremony. That wedding seemed to take longer than the reception that followed.
We went to an outdoor wedding one time where the flower girl got bored and wandered off to play on a nearby swing set. It was hard to hear the vows over the squeak of the swing.
Then there was the reception up in Indiana, when the bride and groom took a limo ride all over the city while we waited and waited for the cake and punch to be served. By the time the limo arrived at the reception, many of the guests had given up and gone home.
When I have to help my daughters plan their special day, I know I will emphasize simplicity. There's no need for veils and fancy hairdos. A bride with flowers in her hair is fine, although I'll try to get them to wear shoes.
Why buy a gown ? A simple wedding dress has a classic appeal, especially if the bride's parents are footing the bill.
The ceremony should have some meaningful moments, like lighting the unity candle as long as both the bride and groom can handle that much pressure. I've seen near catastrophes around the unity candle. But the ceremony shouldn't be so long that the children in the pews go through an entire roll of Lifesavers.
The reception should be fun for the guests and that means that more than punch and cake will be served. What's more fun than a backyard party ? Maybe we can serve the wedding guests burgers and brats ?
But really, when you think about it, the wedding should be meaningful for the bride and groom. It should be something personal for them that they will remember for the rest of their lives. That's why I believe both my daughters should elope and send back photos of the wedding. I'll be sure to buy a nice motherof-the-bride dress to wear when I pick them up at the airport.
Reporter Lynn Atkins can be contacted by e-mail at lynna @ nwanews. com.
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